Another Busy Weekend.

Gosh this has been some month and May is filling up just as fast. One thing I can never say again is that Life is Dull. LOL
Things at work were quiet for the most part this week as people tried to let the reality of David's passing sink in. I just got back from his memorial service which was nicely done. Coming from the Catholic Church which insist you will burn in Hell if you commit suicide, it was reassuring to see a church say, "God forgives you no matter what you do". Its all a little uncomfortable for me of course because of my Pagan theology but I still wanted to help put David's soul to rest and I think we did that.

Speaking of Paganism, one of the things I did this weekend was finally finish redoing my website. I changed over to Bravehost. com since Lycos was giving me nothing but grief and I am really happy with the result. If you would like to check it out here is the link http://calyd.bravehost.com/ and feel free to leave comments in the guestbook. One of the pages I added to this one, talks about my Paganism and I hope it gives people more insight into who I am.

Another spot that kept me busy this weekend was the LL board. I am really trying to bring some life back to it and have been throwing out the idea of a Book Discussion group there. I have always wanted to belong to belong to one, and it seems to me that online offers a great chance to do that. I hope I can get at least a few people to participate. Looks like the first book we are tackling is Kindred by Octavia Butler.

The final fun escape of the weekend was last night's Lesbian Dance. I SOOO look forward to them because I Love to dance so much and we had to miss the previous 2 because of having company or being out of town. The turn out last night was Super and K and I had a great time. I feel soo energized when I am around family. I would have danced more but K's leg is still bothering her 8-/ Hopefully we can figure out whats wrong with that soon. Still people watching is always fun and we sat at a table with an outgoing bunch so we had a great time no matter what. Looking ahead we may miss the June Dance because Jordan will here (though we can maybe still go) but I hope nothing keeps us from the August one. K and I talked about getting some dance videos too so we can practice at home. That would be awesome.

I can't believe it..

This afternoon I found out that one of the gentlemen I worked with (not one of my cooks he ran the food pantry) committed suicide. I am just devasated. He was in his 50s and a really nice guy. He got on my nerves abit and we use to joke that it was easier to deal with things when David wasnt around, but never in my wildest dreams did I or anyone want this. It seems he went to a local motel yesterday and took an overdose of pills, that is all we know.
Its just so hard to imagine him not being there anymore. He and I worked closely together since we shared the storeroom/my office and 20 times a day he would come thru the door and sing "hello Caly" and I would sing "hello David" to the tune of that kids song "Camp Grenada" and then we would laugh and he would pull up a milk crate and we would chat for a few minutes about everything from my being a lesbian (he was one of the first I outed myself too, he was so cool about things) to how to eat a tamarind seed. He would tell me about growing up in the South Pacific (he lived there for 5 years as a kid) or sometimes we even discussed God and the Bible. He was not overly religious so we talked about it from a more worldly view. He often confided in me about his love life and while he would have down days now and then, I never ever imagined this.
I have dealt with death before. All 4 of my grandparents have died. The first when I was 13 and the last when I was 38 I think, but that seems so different then this. I sat in my chair at work after I heard and the room just seemed so hollow. The last time I saw him was last Wednesday because I took 4 days off of work and part of me hurts knowing that. That day he came into my office bouncing 2 superballs (the kind you buy in a gumball machine these days) and bounced one to me and said here is a present for you. Then we joked and talked about being kids and how superballs were tennis ball size back then and dark blue. I put that little ball in my desk that day and took it out just before I left and my eyes welled up. Much like they are doing now as I write this. David left an hour before I did each day and that Wednesday in his usual way, walked in the door behind me and said "ooooooh Caaallly" and that was my cue to say, "Oh David I bet you are going hooommme now." and he said yep as always. I said have a nice weekend and see you monday. He said "Enjoy Caly"...

I think I will remember him for a long time...

Big Weekend!

Well I got to take 4 days off from work which was well needed and deserved if I do say so myself hehe.. But it was anything but restful .... That we are saving for next month's Florida vacation.
Anyway, I did go to a friend's wedding this weekend and it was Wonderful. It was beautifully done and touch me deeply in many ways. To see Love expressed so fully and openly is very special. It also made me realize how much I want to show the world my love and committment to K. Its a little harder right now because she is not as 'out' as I am, but we have talked about that and she is going to work on being more comfortable sharing more fully who she is with others. I want the world to know the incredible person that I know and have her find the freedom and fulfillment that I found in being who I was completely.
In the meantime, I really want to work on at least finding the money to get a pair of matching committment bands. One thing I have found in the last year is that sometimes the little things can have a big impact. I have been amazed at the number of positive responses I have gotten because I wear small pride pins on some of my jackets and caps. Its not an in your face sort of thing but once again it 'puts me out there' and I like that.
Having some sort of ceremony is something we want for the future too of course. But one step at a time.

The other big happening of the weekend was be getting my Yellow hat back. For those of you not familiar with iVillage; Community Leaders for their message boards have a little yellow hat icon next to their name. I am once again a CL now for the Lesbian Life board. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif?redirCnt=1 Its a really great forum and I look forward to helping to keep it a fun, safe and exciting place. Its pretty cool to be doing it alongside my partner too, as she is the other CL there. We have come to believe we make a pretty good team in all things.

All in All a good weekend.

Lesbians in the House!

Hehe by that of course I mean, House M.D. the TV show on Fox. Last night's episode was about a woman and her partner, with one being deathly ill and the other donating half her liver to save her. The catch? The sick women was actually planning to dump her partner and she doesn't know it (we think) when she goes thru the procedure. At the very end we find out that she did know, but slyly says "well I just gave her her life back, she can't leave me now" . I was like Whoaaaaaaaaa blown away at first. Its hard to imagine people truly having those kinds of feelings and for a minute I was mad because I thought it portrayed Lesbians in a bad way (being so manipulative) but K pointed out that the same thing could have been done with a heterosexual couple and she is right, but still.. I guess it just bothers me to see that kind of crap in any relationship.. *sigh
It was nice to see lesbians once again in a mainstream TV show. We are everywhere aren't we? *wink

Daily Fluff

I am trying to figure out a way to blog more. I read others blogs and they always seem to have something to say, and I come here and wonder if people really want to hear my daily fluff or should I wait for something more profund to say.
I know I explored this idea once before in my blog and decided that this blog was a place for me and I wasn't writing it for others. However I must admit that when I do blog something and no one comments, I wonder if anyone is even reading it, or is it "that" boring LOL and I wonder why I bother. OK I admit I just contradicted myself. Typical

Anyway, I have decide at least for awhile, if I have the time, I am going to try and post more of the daily fluff that is my life. A writer once told me when I was working on my poetry, to just write at least one poem a day whether it is good or bad and eventually something will come out of it. At a photo class once, I was told take a whole roll of film (back before digital days LOL) and if you get one good shot out of it, you are doing well. SO I am going to throw more words at the page and see what happens. Once and awhile I may even have something worthwhile to say.. We'll see...

So get this...

Last night I think I had my first hot flash. Hehehe. I am someone who is Always Cold in general, no matter what the temperature. But last night around midnight I woke up and actually felt warm. I was 'glistening' even (as they use to say women don't sweat) and I asked K if we could turn the air conditioner up. It took about 20 minutes after that for me to get comfortable again, and all I could do was lay there thinking.. uh oh.. this maybe it..and laughed. You see there was a standing joke when I was back in VT with all the women I worked with, that because I was Never Hot, they couldnt wait until I started getting hot flashes. I always said I would look forward to them so I could finally be warm. Well guess what? If this is what I have to look forward to, I have changed my mind! Hehehe

Anyway, enough fluff for one day..

FYI

GAY INDEX
Tennessee > All counties > Knox County > Knoxville, TN

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Knoxville, TN
Gay index: 107
Gay male index: 91
Lesbian index: 124
National norm: 100

The gay index is a comparative score, based on the percentage of people reporting in the 2000 U.S. Census that they lived in a same-sex partnership. A score of 100 is the national norm. A number above 100 indicates that the local proportion of same-sex unmarried households is higher than the national average. For example, 140 would mean that the proportion was 40 percent higher than the national norm. A score of 60 would be 40 percent lower. This statistic is not an absolute measure of gay households. Not everyone who lives in such a relationship is gay; not everyone who is gay lives in such a relationship; and some who do may feel uncomfortable saying so on a census return. However, responses to the question, asked of all U.S. households, provide a good indicator of gay relationships in a community. ePodunk publishes three measures: a combined gay male/lesbian score called the gay index, a score for gay males and a score for lesbians. The indexes are provided for the 1,360 U.S. communities in which 50 or more couples reported living in such relationships. Statistics were analyzed by Gary Gates, a demographer at the Urban Institute and co-author of The Gay and Lesbian Atlas.Return to Knoxville community profile

Now finding that was a neat way to start a Monday. K and I have always kidded that Knoxville is the biggest closet in the world. There are lots of us here, its just no one will admit it.. *grin

Googling...

Guess I never thought about it.. Googling myself that is.. a friend blogged about and it occured to me that I had never done that so I tried. Pretty interesting if I do say so.
When I used the name I go by now, Caly, and my last name, it brought up the 2 poems I had published online last year in Cynic Magazine, that was pretty cool. It also gave me a link to an article about me that was published in Out and About Newspaper. When I used my given name and last name, I found out there are a few of us out there. One of them is a past Alumni president of the College of Nursing at UT. Now thats a small world! There is also a social worker in Bloomington Illinois and Decon in St Augustine FL with my name.

The funniest was when I just googled Caly. It did bring up the piece I did a few years ago for iVillage about Living with Depression. But I also found out there is a website selling cowbells called CalyBells! ROFL and someone who misspelled Clay Bricks as Caly Bricks on their website. LOL Finally quite a few other bloggers with that name.

I guess I never realized how much I really am floating around in cyberspace. Cool but it sure makes you think about what you put your name to out here.

More on the Dyke Dog

Don't have time for a long post, but last night was soo funny I just had to write about it. Ever since Brandy came to live with us I have called her Dyke Dog. It started because she doesnt like men. I think it is because she may have been abuse as a puppy. (I got her from the pound when she was 1 1/2) Anyway she loves to growl at them hehe when they come to the house. I notice she also tends to go around marking her territory much like male dogs do but not something I had seen in previous females that I owned. Anyway....

Her new thing is to be jelous of K and I when we get 'snuggly'. Last night we were on the couch watching TV and Brandy was laying next to me. Any time I would lean over and start to kiss K, Brandy would jump up and lick my ear and try and get between us. It was rather comical of course but when our cuddling lead to more we retired to the bedroom and closed the door. LOL I told Brandy she needs to find her own partner! *grin

Never a dull moment in this house!