For Rj

Hehe I didn't forget my promise, it just has taken a while. Here are few more photos from the Sanibel trip as you asked. The sunset I loved, we watched it every night. The resturant is called the Island Cow and we ate there twice and could have gone more, it was a great place! The bird was so funny because he wouldnt move no matter how close we got. He was waiting for the guy that was fishing to throw him something. The photo looks like the bird is doing the fishing doesnt it? *grin. And finally I just thought the lighthouse was cool. Hope you enjoyed them! *hugs

Dykes on a Dike

Finally! I have been waiting to blog about our Sanibel trip till I could figure out a way to post this photo. It wasnt taken digitally so it I had to do a bit of this and that to get in online.

Anyway, I got such a kick out of this sign that I thought we needed photos. It was taken in the Wildlife refuge and they use dikes to keep the water off the trails. I just thought 2 dykes on a dike was funny hehe.

The trip as a whole was incredible as I am sure you have heard K and I both say numerous times at our blogs or the LL board. For me though I realized the other day that it actually was in so many ways our Honeymoon. K and I consider ourselves married in every way but legally and while we have take a few long weekend trips here and there since I moved down, we had not yet taken such a romantic or special trip. The first year we met we made our offical committment to each other in June, but it was a rather tumultous time since K's XH was in the picture and giving us alot of grief. We worked thru all of that and I moved down to TN nine months later, but then after that there was the stress of finding a job, and of course not having any vacation time since I was a new employee. On top of that we were trying to settle into our new life and provide stability for the girls and a way to tell them about us, since they were trying so hard to sort all of this out. Finally in Jan of 2006 we had moved into our "home" together, and since K's X had mellowed and her DDs were now aware of our relationship, we were able to sleep in the same bed every night and actually 'be' a couple in all ways (but legally). So that made our trip our first real get away as a true couple and we renewed our vows to each other on the beach one night which was incredibly romantic. Then to come home and finally find the perfect rings to seal the deal made it the most special time of our lives to date. We may not be doing things in the normal order hehe but we are certainly having the time of our lives. Someday too when the time is right we will have our legal marriage or at least a public committment ceremony.

K is my life and my love and my partner in all and every way. My Lifemate.

The Dance of Everquest

I am in the midst of reading a book called the Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd and I am slowly realizing how I am in the midst of my own dance and how in so many ways I have now found the divine feminine as she calls it.
For me it all started with Everquest. A online fantasy role playing game, that allows you to group up with others online in real time and live out medival fantasy as you battle dragons, minotaurs and a thousand other creatures; in the role of dwarf or gnome; wizard or shadowknight to name a few. I was in the deep of my depression when I found this outlet back in 2001.

I started out choosing a character that was a druid and named her Caleef. It was actually how my nickname Caly came to be, as thats what friends in the game shortened it too and I loved it. The main function of my character early in the game is to be a healer and 'transporter' for people; taking them from place to place in the game to complete different quests. I thought it would be an awesome role for me since I was helping people and being needed which was so important to me at the time. After awhile though I realized I was being 'used' more then needed. In certain ways it was a subserviant role or at least could be exploited as such and I allowed that, even though it depressed me more. I was hooked though and the game had drawn me in and Little by little I began to explore, both in the game and in my life. To experiment and push boundaries on what had been my exisitence. I was CALY now, not Carolyn and that made all the difference. I had unnamed myself as Sue Monk Kidd would say.

I created a few new characters, among them a gnome wizard, I called Meewiz. *smile.. Wizard are a semi powerful character in the game, being able to inflict great damage on creatures with strong spells. However they are also very vunerable to attack and are weak defensively. Also by choosing a gnome who is the smallest character in the game, I added to my troubles. However Meewiz also let me be someone I wasnt in many ways. I was a damage dealer now. I could often solo in game and not fear so much. Socially I had begun to reach out, and being able to play 'in character' let me push boundaries I would never have in real life. My character in game married another gnome who was played by a man Not my husband in real life. We were only friends online, and it was never more then that, but it was a big step for me. In real life I was stepping out from under my husband's shadow (he was a very controlling man much like my mother) . I was starting to have 'fun' with life again.

Then came the turning point. Jeff and I were battling about a lot of things and I was at my lowest point in my life depression wise. It was 2003. One night in frustration I went online and created a new character. Named her Mamabear (why I dont know but probably because I was feeling like wife and mother was all I was) She was a warrior of all things and a Barbarian to boot. The second largest character in the game and one with the most hitpoints for her class. Meaning she was very hard to kill. She didnt have special skills or powers though, her weapon was the sword or staff. I went out by myself for the first 10 levels and just killed things. Literally beat them up. It was amazingly cathartic. Along the way I made a friend. Her name was Exxie in game and Betsy in real life. She was to become my best friend in game and out and saved my life, (literally talking me out of suicide one night). We became an in game team. She was a druid, a healer and transporter and could take us places where we could complete quests and gain experience. It became an amazing transformation for me. As Mamabear grew in strength and experience in game, I grew in real life. I was in therapy now and somehow it all just came together. I realized I was a good person and a strong person just like my character and I dug deep to find my own inner strength. Amazingly in game I became well known as a good warrior who could successfully pull monsters to the group without getting them killed. I was asked to be the Lead on many raids we went on to kill the larger dragons in the game. Being the guardian of 15 or 20 people many of them macho males in real life. I was respected.
It spilled over to my real life. I became Mamabear, strong confident and able to take care of myself. I outed myself as a Lesbian in game and in real life. There was incredible acceptance both places. Together Betsy and I took our characters to the highest level there was in game and completed our "Epics". I earned a glowing sword that was the mark of a true "gamer" in the RPG world. I achieved something I was never able to do up until then in real life. Complete a task I set out to do.
Shortly after that is when I met K online and my whole life changed. Betsy and I moved on from Everquest to EQ2 but it was more for fun now. Just a chance to hang out online together since we lived 1200 miles apart. She is still my real life best friend even today. We dont play much anymore but it doesnt matter. I will always be Mamabear in my heart and a warrior now in real life. I am woman, I am strong and I have found my power...
Sue Monk Kidd isnt the only one to have 'danced'.

The Rings!

K and I mentioned our new committment rings in our 69 answers and I wanted to share a picture. I wanted to share anyway! I am so excited. When K and I pledged to be partnered 2 years ago we exchanged rings, but we were still living apart and had bought each other rings seperately. She had given me a plain narrow silver band which I loved, and I had given her a heart ring in white gold because she had my heart always. However now that we are together all the time and married in our hearts, I wanted very much to have a pair of matching bands to signify that union to the world. We have our matching tattoos that bond us and are the ultimate expression to me but I wanted something traditional too. Someday we plan to have a ceremony but that isn't feasible right now for many reasons. So we have been searching for rings that we both liked and fit our personality as well as fit our budget. That was the hard part. It had to be good quality but money is always tight as we have other priorities as well.
But Eureka! Last weekend I was googling yet again and found a site called Sea of Diamonds that was having a sale and we found them! 14K white gold. 8-)

Mine is 3mm wide because I can't wear a wide ring With my hands being in water all the time I get a nasty skin condition under rings if they are too wide. and I like simple things. K's style leans toward something a bit more elaborate but she really liked this ring too. What we did is get her the wider version at 5mm. Its really pretty. Funny that the femme gets the more masculine band but we are not traditional in a lot of ways and we love that!

This one is mine. *big grin

K's is the same only wider of course....

69 is divine... hehe

1) Are your parents married, divorced, deceased or other? *Married over 50 years

2) Are you Vegetarian? *Nope

3) Believe in Heaven? *Not as its define by Christianity

4) Have you come close to dying? *Not that I know of..

5) What jewelry do you wear 24/7? *My ring from K (we just got matching rings yesterday) and a pentacle ring on my other hand. A moon necklace from my son, and a ring on a chain that says, "I made a wish and you came true"

6) Are you eating? *Not yet but heading to Applebees in a few.

7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? *Yes

8) Wear Makeup? *Never! What you see is what you get. hehe

9) How many people have you kissed in the last month? *Only my Sweet Lady

10) Would you ever have plastic surgery? *Only if it were medically necessary

11) What do you wear to bed? *When we are alone its usually nothing...when we have the girls it's a tanktop and lounge pants

12) Have you ever done anything illegal? *Yes

13) Can you roll your tongue? *Yes

14) Pluck your eyebrows? *No way! though I have shaved the bridge of nose if I get a unibrow LOL

15) What kind of watch(es)? *I don’t wear one any more since I got my italian charm bracelet

16) Abortion? *anti abortion but PRO Choice

17) Hair color? *Dark Blonde

18) Future child's name? *Past that point unless dogs count. hehe

19) Do you snore? *Yes

20) If you could go anywhere in the world on a vacation, where would you go? *England

21) Describe what is on your feet right now. *black Skechers Sneakers

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first? *Go and collect the money *grin

23) Gold or silver? *Silver

24) Hamburger or hot dog? *Hamburger

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? *Chicken

26) Beach, city, or country? *Depends...on the Beach if it were close to a City that I liked

27) What was the last thing you touched before the keyboard? *The power button

28) Where do you eat? *where ever I find food.. *wink

29) When's the last time you cried? *Last month during my period

30) Have you read blogs? *Yep some

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? *I have

32) Ever been involved with the police? *I worked for them when I was 15 cataloging parking tickets or some such. It was my first real job after delievering newspapers

33) How many times have you been married? *Twice...Once to a man and now happily 'partnered' which is a marriage to me

34) Do you talk in your sleep? *I have a few times I think but not often

35) beach or pool? *Beach

36) What's your favorite song at the moment? *Dance of the Wild Faeries, a New age recording

37) How do you take your steak? *Medium no spices except salt

38) Window seat or aisle? *window

39) Ever met a famous person? *none that I remember

40) Do you feel that you've ever had a truly successful relationship? *Yes right now

41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? *break it in half when I cook it then twirl

42) Rickie Lake or Oprah Winfrey? *Oprah

43) Basketball or Football? *Football

44) How long do your showers last? *5 mins unless K is in there with me...[weg]

45) Do you drive a stick? *I can but havent in years

46) Cake or ice cream? *cake

47) Self-conscious? *occasionally

48) What time do you get up? *around 6:30 AM

49) Have you ever given money to a bum? *No but I feed them every day.. does that count?

50) When was your first crush? *Freshman in HS, I had a crush on a senior girl

51) Where do you wish you were? *Back in Sanibel, with K

52) Have you ever broken someone's heart? *Yes

53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? *No

54) Have you ever ridden on/in a fire truck? *No

55) Last gift you received? *My new commitment band!!

56) Name the last three things you purchased. *Gas yesterday, Dinner tonight and a new gym bag at Target on the way home

57) Things you spend a lot of money on? *Travel

58) What state do you live in? *Tennessee

59) How do you eat an OREO? *with my hand they are to hard to use a fork... *giggle

60) Last wedding attended? *Our friends Courtney and Kim's

61) Favorite Fast Food place to eat? *Chick-Fil-A

62) Do you like to shop? *Yes, but not all day

63) Most hated food/drink? *Food: Lima beans Drink: coffee

64) Last play you saw? *Oklahoma Was it good? Not the best production I have seen. 8-(

65) Can you sing? *Only Solo.. So low you can't hear me.

66) One thing you hate? *Dusting

67) One wish: *a long and wonderful life with K

68) Favorite drink? *McDonald's or Chick-Fil-A's sweet iced tea

69) Current Crush? *My K