A wedding of sorts

No, we didnt get to do it legally yet, though I hope someday. But we didnt need a piece of paper. We didnt have a ceremony in front of family and friends, though that would be incredibly special. We dont need anyone's permission or okay.
We bonded in a much much deeper way.

Our preacher was a former blacksmith, with a handlebar mustache, and few words about Love, but plenty about his life and professions. Our congregation was a handful of rednecks, in varying states of dress and paying half hearted attention to our ceremony. This all took place in a little hole in the wall in a small TN town called Maryville with the name Electric Sting.

Yes K and I finally got our matching tattoos. And in my mind and heart it was as special and meaningful as a wedding. To permanently change your body to reflect your feelings for someone else, says something pretty deep in my book. I love my Baby soo much.

We hadn't planned on getting them yesterday, though we have talked about it for almost a year now. We got the name of reputable place from a friend of K's who has a tattoo and took a ride out there to decide on a design and make an appointment for next month. I had assumed we needed to do this, since that was the way it worked in VT. They wont do on the spot tattoos.
But this gentleman said, heck we can do them right now, after we spent about 20 mins finding just the right hearts. We had decided on matching interlocking hearts after going back and forth between a butterfly for her and a celtic symbol for me. Having them match just seemed to make them sooo much more meaningful.
I wish a had a camera though to snap K's face when he said "lets do them now". Hehe I know she wasnt mentally prepared but was a real trooper, as Im sure the spot on her lower back was a painful place to work on. Mine really didnt hurt much at all, as there is plenty of muscle on the upper arm. It would have been neat to have them in the same place as well, but I really wanted to be able to see mine and K wanted her's to be hidden to everyone but me. Its part of the Ying and Yang that makes us work.
I wrote a poem about it too.. and the photo is of mine (hehe only I get to see K's remember) 8-)

Two Hearts linked forever,
Red and black flowed free.

The pain of a love
so complete,
rippled down my arm.

Would You
bleed for your Love
for all the world to see?

My Love bled for me
And I for her.

Two hearts linked forever
Blood red upon the skin.

~CalyD 2006 ~

Happy Birthday to Me.... hehe

Wow 46!

I'm sitting here trying to think back to when I was a kid and what I thought my life would be like when I was this age, but I don't remember. Perhaps that is a sign of age? LOL Actually I do remember as a kid not thinking much past 40 and thinking how 'old' that would be. Hehehe

Truly I have never felt younger in my life. Most young women dread their 40s and you see all the commercials on TV how you need to take care of yourself to keep from looking like you are 40. But in reality most women (myself included) who are in their 40's say its the best time of their life. Its true. I have more confidence, self esteem and contentment then ever, and while some of that comes from having this awesome wonderful special Lady and Partner in my life. A good part of it just comes from the wisdom gained in the last 46 years and how that changes your perspective on things. I am fortunate too to been in OK shape at the moment and good health. Though mornings do take longer to get going... Hehehe

Anyway in sooo many ways today is a good day. We had an great 2 days with the girls even though poor Katie is sick again. And the clarity that comes with balanced hormones, helps me to see that this really will all work out better then I could have hoped. We even had dinner with K's XH last night which was a bit bizzare of course, but nice to see that even that relationship has potential to be an OK one.

Now I get to look forward to an incredibly wonderful weekend with my Sweet Lady. We have tommorrow off and we are going to spend it, totally and completely relaxing. Something we have talked about soooo much *grin
But I suppose if I want to enjoy tommorrow I best go get things settled at work do I dont need to worry about anything there.

The birthday girl.. "over and out" 8-)

A wrong Assumption

This post is among other things to clear up a wrong assumption made by someone who replied to my last post. This made me think that others may also be thinking the same thing and its far from the truth.. So let me clarify-

I am Not Unhappy. Far from it, I am happier and more content then I have ever been or ever could be in my life. My last post was voicing my frustration with myself, and the difficulty I am having at times dealing with K's children. It doesn't mean I am not happy with my life or with them. As another commenter pointed out, they are just being kids and even blended heterosexual couples face this issue at some point if there are kids involved. Kids are kids. I was just disappointed in myself that it does bother me, since I had assumed that it would be easy, since I do enjoy being around children.

But this just goes to show that everyone can make a wrong assumption, even Me LOL

The other thing about my last post is that it occurred at the 'low point' in my cycle and the time of the month I call the "dreaded days" since I go hormonally off the wall, and everything is wrong, and is magnified 1000 times. K and I have joked about locking me in a closet for 48 hours till the feeling passes each month. Hehe So from now on, if you notice 28 days between crazy posts, just be forewarned when you read it. *wink

K and I have since had several good long talks about all of this and things are fine. She is totally awesome about giving ALL of us what we need and she knows that I would Never put her in a position of having to put me before the girls. Our relationship is much more rock solid then that. We are soulmates. Its just that we are also women hehe and hormones rule our lives..and for me being perimenopausal..... well.... those who are of similar age can sympathize...

SO for now, I am back to normal (whatever normal is) and I am happy, happy, happy.... with Everything!

Bits and Pieces

Wow has it really been that long since I have been here? I knew that the holidays would fly by, but it seems incredible to be that its been 2 months since I had time to sit and write. I had made a resolution to start back blogging for New Year but its still been 3 weeks since then LOL.. Oh well here I am.

I think part of the reason I had put this off, is what I need to blog about is so hard to write. It has really been bothering me, that I am not as good a person as I hoped I could be. Oh I know I am a good person, this is not about self esteem, its about being human I guess, but still finding it hard to let down a person who means so much to you.
Of course at this point you are all saying "would she just spit it out already!". But thats the problem, its hard to admit that I am having a hard time adjusting to having K's kids around sometimes. I get so mad at myself about it. I mean it should be easy! I love kids, I worked in schools for 8 years! I am good with kids! I was a scout leader for 5 years and recieved all sorts of awards. It doesnt make sense and that is why it hurts me to even admit it, let alone write about it.
Part of it is my age I know, I did all this once already, so its hard to go back, but it shouldnt be! I love K with all my heart and I will do anything for her. That is why this is hurting so much. I dont want to let her down. I am trying soo hard too, but it doesnt seem to show and that is frustrating. Its of course not helped by the fact that the kids hate me, (I know K says otherwise, but actions speak louder then words.), but I can't blame them. Their lives have been turned upside down and I am at the center of that. I am also the one trying change the rules the lived by for so long. But if I dont bring some order into my life I am going to lose it... It just so hard to talk about and that is the biggest problem, K and I should be able to talk about anything.....

On a different note..... do any of you laugh when you make love? LOL It has been the funniest thing but sometimes when K and I are intimate, I reach this incredible level of pleasure that I lose my breath and then get so happy I start to giggle. Well this makes K start and I just sooo adore her laugh that it gets me going and next thing we know we are laughing hysterically. I mean neither of us minds so its not a problem, its just bizarre.. isnt it? Though I do know that all emotions are so tightly connected that is probably not as far fetched as it sounds. Just rather amusing...

Anyway, I have a million things on my mind and could blog all day I think.. Work sucks right now since my part timer is quitting on me. I had to cut back hours because of a budget problems and the 2 full time cooks are so hard to deal with. It just throws back in my face what a lousy manager I am. Just has not helped my mood lately so everything has been so much more difficult. Then just when I feel I have things under control, K's XH messes with our lives yet again and I just want to scream!

Physically K and I can escape for a day or 2 but how do I get this all out of my head? That is what is driving me crazy.... I think I need to listen to my Music more, that seems to to help the most..

Enough of this for now.................