The Goddess within

Greetings you patient perusers of my prattling prose! I have finally returned to finish the tale of my inward search. Well perhaps not finish, since it is a journey, not a destination, but at least give you a small glimpse of what I have found.

Not sure all or any of you know but I consider myself a born again Pagan. Hehe about the born again part. I actually have been a pagan all my life and just didnt realize it because catholisim was being forced down my throat at the time. My earliest memory of religion though was asking my mother " if God is everywhere, why do we have to go to church to pray?" That didnt go over well! LOL But it is always how I have felt. I have felt the spirits of nature since I was a child and have been fascinated by the Native American ideas of living one's faith rather then having it preached to me. I have always known there are Goddesses too, since when I did have to suffer the trials of catholic church, my prayers were to the virgin Mary, not Jesus. But I digress from the point of my parable *grin.

One of the things that Beth pointed out to me when I met her, was how profound my chosen nickname was. I have always said to myself that Carolyn was who my mother wanted me to be but Caly is who I am. Anyway, it turns out that there is a Goddess named Caly, or rather pronounced Caly but spelled Kali. Full name is Kali Ma. She is an indian goddess and her story can be read here.
http://www.spiralgoddess.com/Kali.html .
At first I was disappointed in the thought of being connected to such a fierce and warrior goddess because I consider myself a lover not a fighter in so many ways. But K pointed out to me that I do love to play a warrior in my RPG game Everquest and I guess I do have that side to me in my butchness at times. Also once I read beyond the intial description of her, I realized Kali Ma is the goddess of Balance. The fire that destroys and then rebirths the forest. That without darkness there can be no light and that Kali Ma clears the darkness to allow the light to shine again. Finally when I read in another Pagan publication that Kali Ma is also a Lesbian Goddess, I knew that I had found my inner spirit indeed.
I hope to delve deeper into my spiritual quest as time goes on. I am not one to Practice a religion persay as I think religion is often the antithesis of God or the Goddesses. I try rather to live my faith as my love of nature bears witness.
Good Day.